Song Writing

[ashface!]

Hihi, I wrote one song and half a song and I was wondering if I post 'em you guys can give me feedback?
I'd greatly appreciate it ^^

[A2A]

Shoot 

[one arm bandit]

* one arm bandit will only give feedback if there is audio included 

[ULTRA]

Go ahead.

Im hard to please, but i appreciate all people that try ;-)

[ashface!]

hehe, alright...
I'll have to post it tonight when I get home, cos I wasn't allowed on the computer yesterday ^^
And, bandit, i can't provide audio cos I haven't recorded it =S

[Alpha]

Pop music lyrics are fun here's one i made up as i went along
up=beat tempo... balladic chorus
:Chorus:
She haunts me in my dreams
Nothings how it seems
To steal a moment from her lips
The swaying of her hips
She haunts me in my dreams
:Chorus:

Verse 1
We met on a balmy day i couldnt think of a word to say
Her eyes blue and her skin was creamy
I coudln't believe i'd found someone so dreamy

And repeat god i hate pop..

[fingerbib]

Pop music lyrics are fun here's one i made up as i went along
up=beat tempo... balladic chorus
:Chorus:
She haunts me in my dreams
Nothings how it seems
To steal a moment from her lips
The swaying of her hips
She haunts me in my dreams
:Chorus:

Verse 1
We met on a balmy day i couldnt think of a word to say
Her eyes blue and her skin was creamy
I coudln't believe i'd found someone so dreamy

And repeat god i hate pop..

apparently simon cowell wants your number 

[ashface!]

Alright, sooo here goes, hm?
It's meant to be...slowish and kinda...haunting I guess you could say?
I dunno.
My friend sang it kinda fast and it defeats the purpose xD
kaaayy, here.
And, honestly, be honest o.o''
Oh, and it's kinda personal rofl.
So, aha =D

My room's silent again,
Not like it used to be.
We just had another fight,
Can't you see what you're doing to me?

I'm tired of all the tears,
Of crying myself to sleep
Tired of all this pretending;
Of pretending things are like they used to be.

Can you believe it?
You used to be my hero.
The one I went to for help,
The one who made me smile.
I was "daddy's little angel'
Now I'm only daddy's little zero.

You ask why we never speak,
Why I never smile,
Well, see, I used to be happy,
But that's all changed for awhile.

I'm tired of all the tears,
Of crying myself to sleep
Tired of all this pretending;
Of pretending things are like they used to be.

Can you believe it?
You used to be my hero.
The one I went to for help,
The one who made me smile.
I was "daddy's little angel'
Now I'm only daddy's little zero.

Maybe we can fix this,
Somewhere down the road.
Till then I'll give you this fake kiss,
And off to bed I'll go.

I'm tired of all the tears,
Of crying myself to sleep
Tired of all this pretending;
Of pretending things are like they used to be.

Can you believe it?
You used to be my hero.
The one I went to for help,
The one who made me smile.
I was "daddy's little angel'
Now I'm only daddy's little zero.







Alright xD
that's it.
And that was nerve-racking...
So, tell me what'cha think haha.
I won't be offended

[ppotter]

Not bad, better than I could do (and I'm being honest btw )

I think Aide would like it, pretty emo ^^


The only time I tried writing songs I was about 13, found them not long back and they were pretty shit. Funny though 

[A2A]

That's really nice. We of the arma community appreciate you putting yourself on the line like that 

Could just be me but I think it reads well as a poem.

[ULTRA]

ok, i think i go with honesty, because i think no one else in here will

As a "Song" it aint that good. (At least in my opinion). You should just call it a poem or a piece u wrote.

When you just write something down thats on your heart to help yourself deal with it, it never gets a good song. But please continue doing so. Writing thoughts and feelings down is a very good way to stay on track and be able to deal better with the situations and feelings connected to it. Many people in modern psychology use these tactics. Besides its an easy way to educate urself in using your language.

If you like writing, i would give you the advice to try taking it to the next level. Try using puns and metaphors, try not making the overall message so clear. But thats just if ur interested in writing itself. If you just use it to get some hard feelings of your back, you can stay with the obvious and simple way of writing, because its made for that.

Im quite interested if u often write and if u write stories and oher stuff too. I'd have some tips for that too hah ;-)

Now i get quite sad i dont find enough time to write poems and stories like back in the days

[ppotter]

Ultra poems? I thought you were the Austr German Dr Dre?! 

[ULTRA]

The intention to write a song he had
instead poetry came out of his head

and how come u all picked up that austrian by alpha? im not an austrian claiming o be a german. The last person who i remember did this.... ew...

[Alpha]

wait so ultra is actually swiss?

[ashface!]

I kinda agree (:
But, really, thanks for the feedback.
I write stories too, but heh, I don't think I could post it on here =S
It's really really long xD
And, the other I have is...
Just started so